What I've Done Wrong

I know, this is going to be my third blog about my termination.  It's been a lot to take in, and a lot to think about.

At all times we must reflect how we can be better- be it as an employee, as a tenant, or just as a person in general.

If I would have to evaluate myself, without thinking about how others see me.....  well, at times I would see myself as lazy too.

Especially when it comes to cleaning.  I will not admit to the box of dirty dishes I have sitting in my room at home.  I will not.

At the beginning, I thought I was doing really well with keeping my room tidy.  I was making my bed every day (even though when I was working at 6am, there were a few days I didn't make my bed until I got back).

One time, I actually vacuumed.  Yeah, that's right, I vacuumed.

Everything my host mother asked, I eventually did, though not always in a timely matter.  Sometimes I did get frustrated when the directions changed from day to day.

Like with the shoes when it was raining- the first couple of days I was asked to put them by the door as to not drag in dirt....  then it was that I had to take them off at the door, then bring them to the door of my room.  Later I found out that it was because I wasn't placing my shoes neatly enough next to the main door.
 

I don't think we're slobs in my house, but I guess we do leave our shoes all over the place....

Some things I do believe there were more of a cultural (or maybe just household) differences rather than just me being lazy.

I think the biggest thing I did wrong was not taking out the trash the very first time she asked....  though I wasn't too thrilled about the idea of having to sort through it after it had been sitting there for awhile.  That is why I had hesitated as long as I did.

Germans recycle, a lot.  Don't mess with their recycling.

Maybe I could do better with the way I respond when asked to do something.  Many times when I don't agree with what's said, or just don't want to say something rude, I tend to try to be as emotionless (I guess that's how you would describe it) as possible....  I guess this could be perceived as rude itself.

[I don't know, mom- would you rather me talk back or keep it to myself?  Since you're probably one of the only people I can think of that I ever told how I felt when you told me to do something.]

And in my house, leaving dishes (used or not) on the stove is completely acceptable (and very commonplace)....  I think I'm probably the one that does it the least (okay, yeah, I'm home the least too).  And I think storing pots and pans inside the oven is the most irritating thing in the kitchen ever....  though I totally understand why people do it- the lack of storage.

I think if I were to really look at things, I did do a lot wrong when it comes to the house and my room.  And I am a slob when it comes to cleaning, no matter where I am.

As far as my host mother emailing Herr Seefeldt, I don't think it was her goal to get me kicked out and fired.  She just wanted the tasks completed, and asked for help getting them done.  It was just the timing of everything.  She even told me that she had asked Herr Kratzmann to give me a second chance.


As far as work, and my German....

First, I think I should have take Kalli's advice and taken a spring German class.  It was a great idea, since I hadn't taken a speaking class in awhile....  Though I received the first notice of my placing, I think it was either that night or the next day.  I would have felt bad about asking to change my starting date at that point.

Yes, perhaps I should have participated more in Max Kade (German house) activities....  the reason why, well....  many of you know that.

(Though now, I am totally stoked to be moving into North Quad and being as active as I can!  Woohoo!  Go Max Kade House!)

As far as where I should be with the language....  that's because I have been struggling in school.  I've been struggling to figure out what I want to do with my life, where I want to go, who I want to be.  Compounded by many new (and not always good) experiences, getting balance in life- work versus school versus friends- it hasn't made for a good academic career.

But now it's time to stop with all the excuses.  I have to do better- with everything that I do!

Really, I think everything that went wrong at work could have been solved if I had known the language better.  There wouldn't have been as many misunderstandings.  My Kollegen wouldn't have had to translate my schlechtes Deutsch into a Deutsch my boss could understand.

I could have helped customers faster (I wouldn't have had to ask a Kollege for help as often), no one would have had to tell me what they meant more than once.  Perhaps I would have heard the "sofort" in more of the directions given to me.  My superiors could have told me what I was doing wrong (though, I never heard them try) instead of going through a third party.  I could have felt more confident talking with my coworkers....  even though a lot of the time they were talking about kids, husbands/wives, households, etc. etc.  I could have had more control of the direction of conversation.

I guess I could have been able to help more, rather than be such a burden on my coworkers shoulders. 

There was that one week were I was tardy more than once.  But after that, I was only kinda close, but not tardy, a couple of times.

Perhaps I could have asked, "what can I do now?" a little more often.  Even though there were some days that there was very little to do, or those times that I felt I had gotten confident enough to find my own thing to do....  I mean, when I did ask, the answer was more often than not "Obst und Gemüse."  Cutting watermelons, sweeping (okay, I just looked up that word because I couldn't remember it in English), making the strawberries or other O/G look good- all extremely common tasks to do.


Overall, I think the biggest mistake I did make....  not saying "Thank You" enough.  I have to admit I didn't say it enough, be it to my host mother, to my boss, everyone.  I could have said "danke" more often.  So don't be surprised if you hear it in my vocabulary A LOT more.  

Because I am thankful for what others do for me.


Although, I still do not feel any of what I did/not do was enough to get me fired.  But every little thing snowballed into something bigger and led to my termination.  Was it doomed from the start?  I don't know.  Could I have saved my job?  I don't know.

But I do know that I have to keep going.  I have to learn from this experience.  I have to make myself a better person.  Each and every day.